It’s very odd when you feel out of place in your own family. I’m not very close to my father’s side of the family, largely due to the fact that they live in the greater Chicago area, and I grew up in northing Michigan. When I do get to see them, it’s always very strange.
This side of the family is my Japaneses side of the family. Their expectations of what makes a person a good, successful are rather “demanding,” and when someone doesn’t fit into that mold, they almost immediately disapprove. For instance, they are very close to their heritage, and most of them speak the language fluently. Additionally, many of them are able to write Japanese characters and abide by many Japanese traditions. I don’t do any of the above. In fact, the only other language I speak is French, and that doesn’t quite count. Because my other is Polish, I grew up with Polish traditions, and when I see my dad’s side of the family, they always think it odd that I have absolutely no idea what it is that they are saying (in Japanese) and are appalled by my apathy to the new year (apparently it’s a big deal). This side of the family is also wealthy with geniuses. Any relative that has attended college has gone to a prestigious university. IN fact, one of my cousins is currently attending Harvard for graduate school, and her younger brother is attending Brown University. I, on the other hand, attended Grand Valley State University, a four year university in Allendale, Michigan. I loved (and continue to love) this institution, but in my family’s eyes, it pales in comparison to Harvard. To top it off, every person on this side of the family has (by their standards, of course) some sort of “successful” job. My grandfather was an optometrist, my dad’s cousin is an editor at the Chicago Tribune, and my cousin is a cellular biologist. When they discovered that I was going to be a teacher, thoughts of summer vacations, play-time, and 8-3 work days crept into their minds and were displayed as disapproving looks and sighs of disappointment. On this side of the family, I truly was quite the disgrace.
It used to make me feel really terrible about myself — like there was something wrong with me. Why couldn’t I fit in with everyone else? Then, I realized I didn’t have to. What was wrong with speaking French? And why was a state college such a bad thing? The fact of the matter that there wasn’t anything wrong with any of this, and that it was just their misconceptions of what makes a person successful and happy. So, this experience has made me a better person. I’ve learned that we all are who we are, and disapproving looks can’t take that away from us. I love my life and the decisions I’ve made, and nothing can change that.
